Still Here...

My friend posts on facebook that she misses Gulu.
I realize I am IN Gulu.

Another friend says, “My heart will always be in Africa.”
I realize my whole self is currently in Africa.

Yes, I miss my family, my friends, my dog, my car, and Taco Bell. I’m missing the first year of my best friend’s first baby’s life. I’m missing the first few months of my other best friend’s first baby’s life. When I get back they might already be in the “fear of strangers” stage, and I will be a stranger.

I’ve missed weddings, and birthdays, and family vacations, and holidays, and trips to Taco Bell.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the dust, the heat, the corruption, the confusion, the delays, the discouragement, the lack of tacos, and to forget how much your heart aches when you leave this place. I was supposed to leave in November, then March. But I’m still here. I’m in Africa. I’m in Gulu.

Don’t waste it. Don’t wish it away. Don’t forget how it’s going to hurt when you have to leave. 

Being here now is a gift. An unexpected one, and unrequested, but requiring thankfulness just the same.